Persevere!
by Tom Morgan - Kent, Washington

Barbara Morgan knows perseverance. She was an elementary school teacher in a small Idaho town when she was named to be one of the two “Teachers in Space” in 1985. She trained with Christa McAuliffe and was watching the Challenger Shuttle launch when it exploded. After the Challenger accident in 1986, it looked like she would never go into space.

For several years, Barbara continued to teach grade school and worked part-time for NASA by speaking at symposiums. In 1999, she went to work full-time for NASA and was named the first “Education Specialist” - this time training as a full-fledged astronaut.

Barbara was named to fly on another shuttle. This time, in 2003, she was again delayed as the Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated during re-entry. She had been scheduled to fly on the next Columbia mission.

Barbara is now scheduled to fly this summer, on mission STS-118. After 22 years of hard work, disappointment, and tragedy, she will finally realize her dream of going into space. Her perseverance will be rewarded.

Perseverance has a slightly different meaning for fathers of children with special needs. We need to struggle through daily life to help ensure the best possible future for our children.

The list of issues we deal with seems never ending: Legal, medical, expenses, behavior, school, childcare, respite, therapy, activities, and support services are a few. While we deal with all of these concerns, we have to also manage marriage, family, and work.

How do we do it? We persevere! We have to, as there is really no other option. We continue to work hard, deal with the disappointment and occasional tragedy, and hopefully are rewarded by creating a good life for our sons and daughters.

Our son, Trevor, 18, has autism. Many years ago, it seemed like we would never find the help needed to control some behavioral issues that he had developed. We went from practitioner to practitioner with little or no results. All this time, my wife, Trevor, and I were being physically injured and getting near the point of crisis. Finally, we found an excellent doctor who worked with us, and the outbursts were controlled within a few months. We continue to see the same doctor, only now we travel from Kent to Spokane! Today, Trevor rarely has behavior problems, and when he does, they are short-lived and relatively mild.

School has been one of the biggest areas in which we have had to persevere. There are too many students, too many issues, too little support, and not enough money in the school system. My wife and I (mainly my wife!) have met with teachers, aides, therapists, and administration officials many times—every year—to get the best possible education for Trevor.

When we first tried to get respite care, we were turned down. We appealed the decision and won the appeal! The appeal was appealed; however, but we won that as well. To get the respite care, several months were spent filling out forms, exchanging letters back and forth, and finally a review before an administrative law judge.

Trevor is now a senior in high school. He still has a long way to go, especially in language and social interaction. However, in many ways he is much farther along than we ever thought he could be, and he surprises us routinely with the new skills that he has gained.

Our daughter, Alana, was born with a tumor in her left arm, and has gone through surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy. At one point in time we thought that her arm would have to be amputated. Due to all of these procedures, her left arm is small, and she has very little range of motion in her elbow and hand. It seems that we were constantly going to have tests and to see doctors, only to be followed by more tests and more doctor visits. The worries and disappointments were huge, but we continued through the process and there has been no change in the tumor for several years.

Alana is now a junior at Washington State University. She has learned to compensate for her limitations so well that most people don’t realize that there is any “difference.” She was a varsity cheerleader, worked two summers as a singer/dancer at a local theme park, and was first runner-up in the Miss Auburn Scholarship Pageant.

Our children, too, have learned to persevere. They have had to deal with pain, frustration, therapy, and disappointment. For the most part, they have gone through all of this willingly and without complaint. My wife and I have watched them go through these trials, and have learned patience and perseverance from them.

What can a father do to help himself persevere? For me there were several things that helped. I quickly learned that things take time. Although I wanted everything to happen right away, it simply doesn’t work that way. Every so often, I would have to take a deep breath and just let things run their course. It also took me a long time to realize that some things were just beyond my control. When something is beyond your control, let it go and spend your time and energy on the things you can influence.

Take it a day at a time. Do what you can and then start again the next day. I know you have heard it before, but it really is true. Being the father of a child with special needs is a marathon, not a dash. After years and years of doing all of these things, you realize it is more of an Iron Man competition!

Try to take some time out for yourself and for your family. Don’t devote all of your energy on the disability. Have some fun and appreciate what you have.

One of the best things that helped me was my involvement with the Fathers Network. Although the resources that were made available were very useful, the important factor for me was being able to talk with other fathers. Knowing I was not alone, sharing a laugh, occasionally crying, and learning from the greatest group of guys pulled me through when life was toughest.

Persevere. It is one of the things you do best. The rewards are great.

As for us, right now we are looking forward to a family trip to Florida this summer. We’ll do the usual things - go to the beach and to Walt Disney World. The highlight of the trip; however, will be when our kids watch their Aunt Barbara blast off on NASA Shuttle Mission STS-118.