SpokesmanReview - April 5, 2008
They Don’t Believe in Throw-Away Kids
Paula Davenport
Staff writer
Among the hundreds of infants rescued from abusive and neglectful families by the Washington state foster-care system in the late 1980s and early ’90s were five children adopted by a Spokane couple. Deborah Kelly-Corn, a mental-health counselor at Sacred Heart Medical Center’s youth psychiatric center, and Hugh Kelly, an attorney-turned-school teacher, believe caring for kids is their life’s mission.
Their children are teenagers now. All suffer lasting effects of prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs. Considered special-needs children, they range in age from 13 to 17. They’re scaling obstacles some caseworkers predicted they never could, Kelly-Corn said. "There have been roadblocks and challenges," she said, "but there are payoffs." Such as knowing the children are thriving in mainstream classrooms, getting mostly A’s and B’s, making friends and becoming confident and independent.
"When you see your kids do that, you can die and go to heaven," Hugh Kelly said with a smile.
It’s rare for one couple to adopt multiple high-risk kids. "I think we’re unusual," Kelly-Corn said, but she loves the "hodge-podge of a family" they’ve created. When the children were tiny, she told them "they did not come from mommy’s tummy, they came from mommy’s heart.”
"There’s no difference," she said. "In the back of their minds they know `I’m adopted.’ But on a daily basis it’s, `This is my mom, this is my dad.’"
Though the Kellys divorced more than a year ago, they remain friendly and highly involved in the children’s lives. Hugh Kelly lives a short bike ride from the house Kelly-Corn shares with the children, her new husband and a pair of young stepchildren.
Helping the children attain full potential takes time, hard work and organizational skills, the couple said. And while each child is a unique blend of strengths and fragilities, their early experiences mirror those of foster kids around the country.
University of Washington researchers are tracking the Kelly children and hundreds of others in one of several alcohol-related studies, Kelly-Corn said. Fetal alcohol syndrome is one of the nation’s leading causes of mental retardation, and it’s preventable, said Ann Streissguth, founder of the Alcohol and Drug Unit at UW’s School of Medicine. Alcohol is extremely toxic to unborn children and is believed to affect one to three U.S. babies per 1,000, she said.
It causes a multitude of medical and behavioral problems. Epilepsy, organ dysfunction, congenital deformities, learning difficulties, memory lapses and difficulty understanding abstract concepts like time and money have all been traced to fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), reports the the KidsHealth Web site, which is under the Alfred I. duPont Testamentary Trust in support of treatment of sick and disabled children.
Streissguth, a member of the research team that first identified the syndrome, in one study found 80 percent of adults with FAS were still living with family and were unable to work independently; 60 percent experienced major disruptions in school, and the same number had run-ins with the criminal justice system. "We should all care about this because we pay the costs, in different ways," she said. The money would be much better spent on all-access health care, drug and alcohol treatment programs and prevention, Streissguth said.
Joey came to live with the Kellys when he was 5 weeks old, "right out of the hopper," Kelly-Corn said. A drug baby, he suffered from apnea and wore a heart monitor the first 18 months of life. As he grew, he blossomed into a delightful whirl of boyish charm and appeared to be growing healthier. But at 3, Joey unexpectedly died of SIDS. At his 1993 funeral, mourners released 100 colored balloons in his memory. The toddler’s death, Kelly-Corn said, reinforced her notions of what truly matters. "These kids are the most important things in the world."
Joey’s little sister Courtney was placed with the Kellys when she, too, was 5 weeks old. The couple said keeping the siblings together, which adoption agencies say can be hard to do, was a goal.
Courtney was partially paralyzed, diagnosed with cerebral palsy and suffered from a congenitally-caused speech defect, Kelly-Corn said. A later pediatric exam discovered she also had a hole in her heart. Today, she has full mobility and is a bubbly high school sophomore. A serious student, the 17-year-old works as a store clerk after school and on weekends. She sings in a choir, volunteers at Sacred Heart Medical Center, and loves astronomy and cooking. Surgery to repair her palate, speech therapy and extracurricular activities have helped her become outgoing, caring and connected. She is leaning toward a career as a bakery chef or massage therapist, she said.
Shad, short for Shadrick, was the next to join the family. Malnourished and very sick, the 3-year-old learned to talk, use utensils and go to the bathroom. And Kelly-Corn said she fondly remembers getting down on her hands and knees to teach Shad to crawl.
Now a spry 16-year-old who has been diagnosed as autistic, he is a high school freshman and an accomplished pianist. Shad also has begun writing music. He has participated in the prestigious annual Northwest Music Festival, and he’s the only freshman in the Northwest invited to Gonzaga University’s organ festival, which teaches kids from all over the U.S., his dad said. Added Kelly-Corn, "This is the kid who (caseworkers) said would have to be institutionalized" by now.
Shad has come a long way since his first day of school, when he stood next to his desk like a little soldier for 40 minutes, his mother said. Enrichment activities like playing piano and learning to read music are key to Shad’s brain development, and that of his brothers and sisters, she added.
"I know my kids have disabilities," Kelly-Corn said, "but I don’t play into it. I tell them they can do anything they want, it just may take longer."
Michael, 14, and Samantha or "Sam," 13, are biological siblings and seventh graders.
Their brains failed to fully develop in the womb. As a result, they will always have problems with long and short-term memory, reasoning and impulse control. Michael had surgery to alleviate severe hearing loss. He arrived when he was 14 months old, in just his underwear and with a raging case of chicken pox.
"When he was small, I went to school with him the first three weeks," Kelly-Corn said. "He learned how to stand in line, how to hang up his coat" and other age-appropriate behavior. A gangling redhead who wears glasses, he enjoys video games, exploring technology and playing basketball and baseball.
Meanwhile, Sam has been with the family since she was 4 months old. Malnourished and neglected, her immune system was severely compromised. Doctors said she fell into the "failure to thrive" category. An attachment disorder, the condition is caused by lack of human contact as a newborn.
Today, Sam still experiences separation anxiety and finds it difficult to control her emotions, her mother said. But she works toward self-control every day. Sam has been selected to help a disabled special education student who uses a wheelchair navigate the lunch room. "She’s learning to be nurturing," Kelly-Corn said.
The children’s success belies their day-to-day struggles. What does it take to move kids like these from hard luck to hopeful? Outside support in the form of state-registered in-home caregivers, appropriate enrichment opportunities and field-tested routines, Kelly-Corn said.
Both parents have good jobs but state support only covers about half the children’s expenses. Outside financial support can mean the difference in an adoption arrangement, said Jan Lammers, with the state Department of Health and Social Services. Perhaps most importantly, "We believe in a lot of one-on-one," Kelly-Corn explained.
During the day, rotating assistants come in to help the children wake up, get dressed, have breakfast and head to school. "If the first three things don’t happen (on schedule), the fourth won’t either," said Kelly-Corn, who works 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. some weekdays and weekends. After school, the routine reverses. Then the kids get about a half hour to unwind, have snacks and start their homework. "I’m a very firm mom," Kelly-Corn said, smiling.
She implemented a system to teach the connection between responsibilities and privileges. Doing chores like tidying up their bedrooms, taking care of two dogs, two cats and a parakeet, and other good behavior are rewarded with points. Points may be used for going shopping, playing Xbox, updating MySpace pages and watching DVDs. Groceries, purchased in bulk, cost between $800 and $1,000 a month, said Kelly-Corn, who also stocks deeply discounted gifts in a "home store" for the children to take to birthday parties.
Amid all the activity over the years, the Kellys also have provided emergency, temporary shelter for some 40 foster children. "I don’t believe in throw-away kids," she said. "Our greatest success is theirs."
