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John O'Hare lives in Charlotte, North Carolina with his wife, Diane, and Son, Ryan. John is a 20-year veteran of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department, where he currently holds the rank of Captain. Diane, a registered nurse, works weekends, so Saturdays and Sundays are "buddy days" for father and son -- as John puts it, "a wonderful opportunity for me to develop a very special relationship with a very special child."
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My Heart Swells with Love
John O'Hare
As I watch you sleep, all curled up clutching your little panda bear, my heart swells with love and pride. I look back on how far you've come in your short life, and I think about all the obstacles and challenges you have faced and conquered. I don't think you will really ever know what a little hero you are to your mom and dad.
When I first saw you, just nine short years ago, I was torn between so many different emotions. I was thankful, but I had so much fear and apprehension because the doctors had told your mom and me to prepare for the worst. You had beaten so many odds just by being here, but we still didn't know what the future would hold. We were not able to even hold you before you were whisked away.
The first time your mom was allowed to hold you, she could not hold back the tears. You were so little and fragile, but so beautiful. Those first few days had been so hard -- watching you lying there in your little bed and being unable to hold you. We could only visit a few times each day, but we lived for those times. You were so tough, and as you grew stronger, your will to fight amazed all the doctors and nurses.
I look at you now, sleeping so peacefully. We had such fun today. Your mom sometimes asks me if it bothers me that you can't do so many things other little boys your age can do -- things like playing ball or running with other children. I always tell her no; it is such a joy just to have you, and to be able to do all the things we do together. You enjoy life so much and are so happy doing the things you can do; I see no reason to be sad. I only have to recall your silly, crooked little smile as we rode the roller coaster at the amusement park last weekend, or think about how excited you get whenever you see a train go by. You may not be able to do some things, but you live life to the fullest, little boy.
I could stand here looking at you for a long time, but I'm afraid I may awaken you. I once read that special children are a blessing from God. I believe that now. Always remember, you are loved so much. Sleep peacefully, little Ryan; we'll see you in the morning.
John O'Hare
8633 Kuchenbaum Drive
Charlotte, NC 28210
John O'Hare lives in Charlotte, North Carolina with his wife, Diane, and Son, Ryan. John is a 20-year veteran of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department, where he currently holds the rank of Captain. Diane, a registered nurse, works weekends, so Saturdays and Sundays are "buddy days" for father and son -- as John puts it, "a wonderful opportunity for me to develop a very special relationship with a very special child."
Published in "Fathers Voices," Exceptional Parent magazine, August, 1995
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