My Teacher

Clarence Burris lives with his wife, Liz, and son, Marc, in Tacoma, Washington. In his free time, Clarence involves himself in the restoration of British sports cars. He also is on the Steering Committee of the Washington State Fathers Network. Liz is an occupational therapist.






  My Teacher
Clarence Burris



Have you ever stopped to think that a seven, eight, or nine year old child can provide insight into life’s experiences and help you establish your priorities? Well, neither did I until I started to learn about these things from my son Marc.

While I’ve often talked about Marc, I’ve yet to actually to put something down on paper about him and the very special relationship we share. Marc is 9 years old. He is autistic and epileptic, and experiences regular petit mal seizures. Marc is verbal; however, he does not respond to inquiries. Conversation with him usually consists of whatever is on his mind. His physical development and appearance are normal; however, his cognitive skills are commensurate with those of a two and a half year old. He is extremely hyperactive, with severe behavioral and mood swings. This makes it extremely difficult to engage in everyday activities. Even grocery shopping can be a real chore or a virtual impossibility, depending upon Marc’s state of mind.

My wife Elizabeth and I struggle with "life with Marc" on a daily basis. Medication for the hyperactivity and seizures help, but it’s still not enough to allow Marc to focus and attend to tasks so that he can learn new skills. In spite of this, we recognize what a wonderful gift Marc is and how he has enriched our lives. As a father, I used to dream about a son that I could play ball with and take to sporting events. I can’t do those things with Marc, but he’s more than I could have ever imagined. He’s the son I could have never dreamed I would have.

I call Marc my teacher because he teaches me something new each and every day. Some days I learn something new about him, while on other days he helps me better understand the world around me. The most important thing that Marc has taught me is how to love. That sounds strange doesn’t it, a nine year old child teaching an adult how to love? Well, strange as it might sound, it’s true! Marc has helped me better understand the world in which we live. He’s helped me put things in perspective and recognize what is and what is not important.

You see, everything Marc does is completely genuine. There is nothing phony or pretentious about him. His feelings are true, refreshingly devoid of the everyday biases that so many of us carry around. How he feels about someone has nothing to do with race, color, sex, or whatever. Marc simply doesn’t know how to behave any differently. He regularly reminds me what an integral part I am of his life. I might be sitting down relaxing when Marc will come and climb into my lap and give me a big hug, saying only, "Stay with daddy." Being around Marc has made me a better person. He truly brings out the best in me.

While there is so much missing in Marc’s life, so much that he will not be able to experience, enjoy, or appreciate, I know that he is happy and his life is full. His world is so much less complex than ours. Don’t we all want to uncomplicate our lives? Marc does this naturally, simply by never letting things get complicated in the first place. He is content in his own world and almost always happy. My wife and I often call him "Mr. Happy." I’ve never seen anyone capable of saying so much with so few words.

Marc has taught me now to be happy also. He’s shown me that happiness is a state of mind, and we are all in total control of our own happiness. I watch as he takes charge of his own happiness everyday. I used to dwell on his shortcomings and get upset, lamenting that he would never be able to lead a "normal" life. Now I revel in his freedom of expression and contentment with envy. I often think the world would be a much better place if it were full of "differently abled" people like Marc instead of all of us "normal" folks that have done such a wonderful job of screwing things up. There’s so much that we can learn from people like my son. All we have to do is take a moment and let them share their world with us, notice how they act and take note of what’s important to them -- let them be our teachers.

Clarence Burris
3708 North Gove
Tacoma, WA 98407

Clarence Burris lives with his wife, Liz, and son, Marc, in Tacoma, Washington. In his free time, Clarence involves himself in the restoration of British sports cars. He also is on the Steering Committee of the Washington State Fathers Network. Liz is an occupational therapist.

This article was previously published in "Connections," the newsletter of the Washington State Fathers Network, 2:1, Winter, 1997. This article was also published in the "Fathers Voices," column, Exceptional Parent magazine, October, 1997.