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Mary Ellen and Bob Craig share 10 acres of West Virginia hillside with six-year old Bryan and nine-year old Erick, two dogs and numerous wild turkey and deer. Craig works as an instrument specialist at the Robert C. Byrd Health Science Center at the University of West Virginia.
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I’m Bryan’s Dad and Part of His Team
Bob Craig
After several years of parenting a child with special needs, I am well aware of how easy it is for fathers to feel left out of the process. The family is much more than "mother and child" and needs to be considered as such. Early childhood specialists at all levels have much more experience with, and may feel much more comfortable with mothers.
Have you, as a father, ever been at a therapy session, parent conference or doctor’s visit and felt that no one was talking to you? Don’t allow yourself to be left out. Parenting any child is hard work, particularly a child with special needs. Everyone who is in contact with your child on a regular basis needs must be pulling in the same direction -- including you. We don’t need to be on the same rope, but we all need to pull in the same direction.
There are many things that we fathers can do to remain involved in the complex parenting process. My son, Bryan, has diplegic cerebral palsy. During his early days of diagnosis and treatment, it helped me to be the keeper of records. After each significant visit, we asked for a written report. By tending this file, I could keep track of what was going on -- even during visits I couldn’t attend.
Staying involved means asking questions. At each doctor’s visit or parent conference, come prepared with a few questions of your own. Ask your questions as early as possible during each meeting. This keeps service providers mindful of your involvement.
You may not be able to attend therapy sessions with regularity, but you can know all the people your child is seeing, and you can know what they do. It’s useful if you can dedicate a few of your vacation days each year to stay in touch with your child’s therapists. Ask them to recommend specific things that you and your child can work on together -- you can call them "father’s projects" -- and ask for occasional "after hours" sessions or meetings. Fathers often can provide a different approach toward solving the same problems that Mom is working on. This will give her some essential respite also.
Whatever you do, stay involved! It’s important for you as a parent. It’s important for your child with special needs. And it’s an important statement to professionals on behalf of all the fathers who will come after you.
Bob Craig
Route 1, Box 412
Farmington, West Virginia 26571
Mary Ellen and Bob Craig share 10 acres of West Virginia hillside with six-year old Bryan and nine-year old Erick, two dogs and numerous wild turkey and deer. Craig works as an instrument specialist at the Robert C. Byrd Health Science Center at the University of West Virginia. Bryan is a full participant in his kindergarten program and Erick is doing well in the third grade. When not chasing after his sons, Craig participates on the West Virginia Family Support Council, the West Virginia Family Voices Campaign, and the West Virginia Assistive Technology System.
Published in "Fathers Voices," Exceptional parent Magazine.
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