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Mike and his wife, Lyn, have four children -- Kylie, 22; Glenn, 18; Joshua, 14, and Conrad, 13. Three have disabilities from chromosomal anomalies linked to a condition called familial distal trisomy eight. Mike assists with a parent support group, running seminars for fathers.
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Walking the Tightrope
Mike Ryan
New Zealand Parent-to-Parent
I have always been in awe of people who can do lots of things at the same time. I guess its a bit like the juggler who keep 4, 5, or 6 things constantly moving without faulting. It’s also like the parents of a child with a disability in that quite often they have to be the juggler keeping things moving along.
A few months ago I was asked to speak to a group on a specific subject relating to being a parent of a child with a disability, and when I got up to talk, for a split second I couldn’t remember what the particular topic was that I was to speak about, because I had spoken to a number of groups around the same time, so I bluffed my way through the beginning before getting back on track. The irony of it was that during my speech jugglers were mentioned on several occasions.
I gave the example of our house being a lot like a circus (some may think it is). First there was the Ringling Brothers Circus, now there’s the Ryanling Circus. In our house, like a lot of other homes I know of, mum and dad are very much like ringmasters, constantly trying to move things along with as little amount of disruption as possible. We are the Lion tamers trying to control the beasts (within the system, not our children). We are the Trick riders always quick on our feet, watching where we are heading and putting our trust in a sometimes stubborn animal. There are times when we feel we are the Monkey show.
We are tightrope walkers treading a very fine line. We are trapeze artists, always feeling up in the air about services for our children wondering if there really is a safety net. We are the Troupe who hang on the rope appearing to be in total control but always mindful that where we are standing (hanging) is a very precarious position. We are the clowns trying to keep people’s hope up and bringing laughter to anyone who needs cheering up. We are the jugglers trying to keep lots of things moving without it all tumbling down.
And finally, when we have to be we can be fire eaters. Look out when we have to be this character. We can really light up the night; anyone in our line of fire needs look out. Our circus doesn’t need a fanfare or parade to let people know that we are in town. It costs nothing to be a part of it, just a little understanding.
Mike Ryan
18A Wood Street
Palmerston North, New Zealand
Mike and his wife, Lyn, have four children -- Kylie, 22; Glenn, 18; Joshua, 14, and Conrad, 13. Three have disabilities from chromosomal anomalies linked to a condition called familial distal trisomy eight. Mike assists with a parent support group, running seminars for fathers. He remarks that "Dads must be thought of -- they slip into the background, but it must be recognized that they are also under stress. If they can see I can cope with what I’ve got, they may be encouraged." [Editor: It would be grand if fathers from the United States and Canada would write Mike and share their common experiences. Ask him about his Fathers group day out, including golf, white water rafting, and bungee jumping!]
This article appeared in the National Fathers Network Newsletter (DADS), 6:2.
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