The Trickster Robot in My Son’s Bedroom!
by Joe Cunningham - Shoreline, Washington

Recently, my seven-year-old son, Patrick, was relaxing in his sling/hammock, excitedly telling one of his many adventure stories. I was on a nearby couch hearing about his fictional protagonist, the “2nd grader named Alex.” Alex worked on an art sculpture of a dragon, while, across the street (at the Art Institute for Dragons), his best friend (a dragon named “Spyro”) worked on an art sculpture of a boy in his art class. The long suffering nemesis, “Elvis Robot” (the consummate trickster) meanwhile was busy making plans to make off with the finished product.

Four years ago, it would have been hard to imagine that I’d ever be able to delight in our son in quite this way. At that time, Patrick made little eye contact with my wife, Kristine, or me. He was often unresponsive when we would ask him questions or otherwise attempt to engage him. We knew Patrick was not socially doing what the other kids his age were doing - something was up, but we didn’t know what.

When a child psychologist put the title “autism” in front of my wife and me, our reactions were mixed. It felt like an emotional blow. We found that we were not prepared for the “label” and the road it represented. As a first-time father, the road at first seemed straightforward, but then it became a lot bumpier to figure out how to travel through the uncharted territory of being a parent of a child with special needs.

We learned fairly quickly how difficult it was to navigate through the world of special needs education. When Patrick was encouraged to start kindergarten in his neighborhood public school, we were pleased to know he would receive an aide to help him with the chaos and multiple transitions that are part of a school day. However, the school district reassigned his aide within several weeks, and the teacher told us she could not adequately support Patrick in her classroom. He was sent to a developmental kindergarten and struggled further—in a classroom that did not have adequate resources to help him be organized and manage his school day. We found our school district’s resources troublingly inadequate and were alarmed by some of the placements they advocated for as options.

Right about that time, I discovered the Fathers Network and began attending meetings. Since I began attending the group meetings in Bellevue (since about September of 2004), I have received immeasurable support and resource ideas from the group. From a point where our family was in complete isolation and without resources, to a time now where we feel much better connected and supported. A lot of this could not have happened without the support of the dads in the Fathers Network.

On the education front, Patrick spent first grade in home-schooling and a private transition program in Snohomish County. He began to love school, and in conjunction with speech and language therapy along with occupational/physical therapy, Patrick began to blossom. However, it didn’t last. We were told the program changed their focus to kids with dyslexia. We did more home-schooling with Patrick until finding our current private school on Queen Anne in Seattle. It is so rewarding to watch our seven-year-old express that he is making friends and to hear him talk about an interest in other kids that never existed before.

We recently went through another rough patch. Patrick still has a difficult time organizing his day and making the many transitions needed during time at school. He’s had a very difficult time fitting in with the other kids and learning how to play with them. Patrick’s speech and language therapist is addressing this by convening a group of “normative” peers to help him learn the myriad and diverse social rules needed to make and keep friends.

It occurred to me that Patrick’s story about the conniving, evil “Elvis Robot” fit our experience. As our family travels through life after the autism diagnosis, we struggle each day to come to a “new normal.” Just like any other parents, there is always something that pops up that reminds us we are out-of-our-league. This tricky “Elvis Robot” has taught us that we can never anticipate where this journey will take us. But at least we can reach out, find places that affirm and support us like the Washington State Fathers Network, and know that our amazing son has indeed become our biggest learning opportunity. Patrick is indeed an amazing boy!

Joe Cunningham is the Senior Development Officer at the Kindering Center in Bellevue. Joe has also helped other organizations both professional and as a volunteer, including the United Way of King County, the Crisis Clinic, and the Children’s Campaign Fund. Joe resides in Shoreline with his wife, son, dog, and gerbils. He has been a member of the Father’s Network for several years.